Happiness is strange; it comes when you are not seeking it. When you are not making an effort to be happy, then unexpectedly, mysteriously, happiness is there, born of purity, of a loveliness of being.
Jiddu Krishnamurti
A few months ago, I came across The Backwards Law from Alan Watt’s teachings and The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*Ck. I thought it would be helpful to add these laws to my blog since they have helped me broaden my perspective. Through my travels, meditation and studying consciousness, I have learned how valuable it is to have an open mind and be more flexible with my thoughts and approach to life. Life is not full of butterflies and rainbows, it is full of challenges and obstacles for us to overcome. When we can accept these challenges and use them to our benefit, that is where the real growth comes from. “The Backwards Law” from Chapter 1 of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: desiring a positive experience is itself a negative experience; accepting a negative experience is a positive experience. This extends to most aspects of our life including mental health and relationships.
These are the 10 Backwards Laws:
- Control – The more we strive to control our own feelings and impulses, the more powerless we will feel. Our emotional life is unruly and often uncontrollable, and it’s the desire to control it that makes it worse. Conversely, the more we accept our feelings and impulses, the more we’re able to direct them and process them.
- Freedom – The constant desire for more freedom ironically limits us in a number of ways. Similarly, it’s only by limiting ourselves — by choosing and committing to certain things in life — that we truly exercise our freedom.
- Happiness – Trying to be happy makes us less happy. Accepting unhappiness makes us happy.
- Security – Trying to make ourselves feel as secure as possible generates more insecurity. Being comfortable with uncertainty is what allows us to feel secure.
- Love – The more we try to make others love and accept us, the less they will, and more importantly, the less we will love and accept ourselves.
- Respect – The more we demand respect from others, the less they will respect us. The more we ourselves respect others, the more they will come to respect us.
- Trust – The more we try to make people trust us, the less inclined they will be to do so. The more we trust others, the more they will trust us in return.
- Confidence – The more we try to feel confident, the more insecurity and anxiety we will create. The more we accept our faults, the more comfortable we will feel in our own skin.
- Change – The more we desperately want to change ourselves, the more we will always feel as though we are not enough. Whereas, the more we accept ourselves, the more we will grow and evolve because we’ll be too busy actually doing cool shit to notice.
- Meaning – The more we pursue a deeper meaning or purpose to our lives, the more self-obsessed and shallow we will become. The more we try to add meaning to others’ lives, the more profound impact we will feel.
